Letting go of your ego

Contrary to popular belief, the stage is not the scariest place in the world; it’s actually the safest place you can be if you want a chance to delve into some feelings.

This year has been a roller coaster for me, and I’ve learnt so much both in my normal life and in improv. I’ve been struggling with that age old dilemma of “finding oneself”, and I don’t think that my introduction to the Improv Conspiracy could have come at a better time in my life.

During one of my introductory classes I experienced a moment of clarity where it dawned on me; learning how to improvise is simply learning how to deal with life in the present moment. There were so many little lessons and sayings that I'd heard in my classes that were designed to help us do good scenes, but slowly I realized that they were actually teaching me something about myself and how to enjoy my life. Lessons such as “agree and advance”, “open up your emotions”, “make your partner look good” and “don’t plan ahead” are things that have held their place in my life ever since.

If there’s one main thing I’ve learnt from my relatively short time in improv, it’s that strong relationships are the key to a good scene. Without a strong or clear relationship, a scene can seem cold and stale. When I was learning this I noticed a very clear connection with real life relationships and the importance of maintaining them. 

Having an strong relationship with your scene partner adds flavour to the scene; it also works as a safety net while we're working without a script. One of the big reasons for this is that a clear relationship will help you make certain choices for how you act and speak around this other person. For instance, if you are in love with someone and they say “your perfume smells beautiful”, you'd instinctively react positively. If the same thing was said by the office creep, you'd react negatively. 

The relationship makes the scene more enjoyable to perform. It’s a made up scenario but the moment is real. You can experience certain things that you may be too afraid to play out in real life: a passionate fight or complete adoration of another person, and it feels good to slip into that moment and let it consume you without any feeling of permanent consequence.

The connection that I want to make to real life is the aspect of vulnerability; that moment in the scene when you let yourself go and allow the wave of the present wash over you. It feels good, and it feels good in life too. However, the only reason it feels so good is because you're willing to crack open the hard exterior that you don in public, the straightjacket that forces you to be a functioning robot who obeys all of the rules, laws and societal norms. With the exterior cracked open we're left with a soft gooey interior that is  delicate and fragile, but contains the most nerve endings which are in need of a good massage. 

That scene you played where you fell in love was comical to the audience, but while you were immersed in acting it you were actually giving your squishy centre a big cuddle. The same thing happens in life; if you want to feel happiness or love (whether it's with a platonic friend or a romantic partner) you'll feel more when it’s just you, not you + ego + fear + distrust + last night's episode of The Walking Dead. It’s scary to shed those layers because they protect you from harm, but at the same time they prevent you from experiencing something amazing.

The lesson I learnt was that being vulnerable on stage and off has so many benefits. It helps you extend a scene and enjoy your performance, but it also helps you take a little walk through the no man's land of emotion. Being able to explore your emotions in a safe space (like on stage or in a rehearsal) helps you to deal with them when they occur in the real world. Your team and classmates will support you and they won't let you fall. The audience is in love with you because they are in awe of how you "just came up with that on the spot", so you can’t fail. 

The stage is warm and welcoming of your soft and squishy parts. It’s the one place where you can have the most truthful of experiences, without the fear of alienation or judgment from showing emotion. Your teammates have your back, and the audience thinks you’re “acting” as a "character" who has nothing in common with you (Ha! The joke is on them). This is the perfect arena to display all the scariest of emotions in the most bizarre scenarios. 

Lucky you, hey? Not many people get to lose their temper, bawl their eyes out or laugh hysterically in front of a room full of people and walk away thinking “That was awesome”.

Take advantage of the stage. It can be whatever you want it to be, and it might just help you exorcise some demons too.